coming to terms....

with the fact that i have pink eye, with the fact that i am terribly broke, with the fact that i have to pay taxes monday, with the fact that i need to start working on filing my taxes, which in turn means finally doing my month and year end paperwork....which i always love doing by the way, but meet this wall upon getting there. it is such a funny thing that i don't quite care to understand even. i just know it to be true. john works the next 4 nights so i have plenty of evening time to get it all done....and in front of law and order, i will push through. coming to terms with the fact that failure is not always a negative thing, despite the utter most feeling of complete and total despair that is often paired with failure. and loneliness....why is failure complete with the feeling of being so horribly alone in your failure? i guess i am not one to blame others for my actions or failures...though how nice would that be?(i suspect that it only adds to the big pile of shit you already wallow in...)
today is clearly not the day to write, at least not without a glass of wine....and it is only 2:10pm. not that time of day would stop me, but i do have to go pick up ruby from school where afternoon drinks are frowned upon, for christ's sake!